eggfarmrocketship: Progress Log

Top Ten Kiwi Pastimes

10. Cricket. That is, pretending cricket's popularity is not the direct result of being a political non-entity with a massive surplus of tea and time.
9. Celtics-Lakers Rivalry. Paul Pierce merchandise is the second most imported category of goods to New Zealand, just above Samoans and below whatever American culture was popular 15 years ago.
8. Hating Australia. Australia is exactly like New Zealand except everything there is poisonous and their money is worth more. Go figure.
7. Rugby. Rugby only made it to number 7 because the shorts weren't short enough.
6. Horrible Hair. Ever seen a faux-hawk, a rat-tail, and a mullet together? On the same head?! Welcome to NZ Parliament.
5. Reject Radio. New Zealand is where the 500-some T-Pain songs that did NOT make the album dominate the airwaves.
4. Wearing Horizontal Stripes. Just under half of New Zealanders are or were librarians, or aspire to sing in an emo band.
3. Short shorts. You're just not a man if I can't test you for ball cancer from twenty feet away.
2. Street Racing Shitty Cars. Have you ever been deafened by the sound of 35 tiny "race" Hyundais blistering by you in unison at an astounding 15mph? On a Tuesday? All of New Zealand has.
1. Shitty Beer. New Zealand beer is 4.0% alcohol and 96.0% urine hormones.